The mind bruises just a little bit easier

Sitting in school right now, thinking of all the things that I do wrong everyday. I think my biggest mistakes are making thing bigger than they really are and making myself believe that there is someone out there who cares for me. There is no such person. Some people are simply made to be alone - and I am one of those. I can´t let people get to me, and if I do find anyone that I would like to let into my life I always seen chase them away.


I thought today was going to be a good day but boy was I wrong. I´ve been walking around all day just feeling bad och being ashamed over all I´ve done. I really feel terrible over yesterday and I understand if you don´t want to ta talk to me anymore. (Even I don´t want to talk to myself anymore)


But. I´m supposed to write about love right now. First I had an idea about writing about how the seasons strengthen our wish to have someone close to us but right now that feels sort of worthless. So I think I´m going to write about the fear of letting someone new into your life, and just lose yourself and believe that someone will be there to catch you when you fall.

That I could write about, since that is one of my biggest fears; letting someone in and beliving that they will be there even if things go wrong.
I am wrong and I totally understand that no one would want to be there for me when I fall, 'cause all I do is dragging people down with me.

I also haven´t gotten a real answer from Gabbeh, if she is coming to Borås today or if she´s going to be with Louise. So, today won´t be as good as I once hoped it would.
And I don´t have any cigarettes, so that´s just going to make things suck even more. But later today my sister, My and I will go out and run for a bit.
I´m really gonna take this shit seriously this time, I really have to get in shape, I´m sick of not being happy about the way I look.
Some things have to change around here.

I´m sorry. For everything.
(For being me.)