Spring blues

Yep, seems like I got what I wished for.
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it

Now all the feelings I had this spring is right back. I can feel her presence when she's not even here. I wanted her to come back, to change him, not to take him away from me once and again. I hate it when he lets her take him from me. She and her rotten little children. The thing is, he cares more for them than for me.
Everything feels just the same now, almost.. There are a few things that are different now and ofcourse they matter, but I know things will never be like that again. I had something to look forward to then. Someone to talk about everythingg with. And the walls were brand new, I was creating a new home and now all I can think about is how much I miss the old place. I'd give anything to have April back again.
Can we bring yetserday back around?
Of course we can't, fool..

Even if you left me and my brother,
even if you left us and our mother.
Want nothing more than to catch your eye.
Would you be impressed with how far I've climbed
Without your assistance,
With you nowhere in sight.

Is it okey to miss something this much, or is it just some weird sickness that I have brought upon myself? I mean, I know darn well that this might haunt me forever. You might haunt me for all times. And I let you - now hos stupid is that?
Gosh, I think too much.. I should probably get a hobby or something, something to do when I feel the thought come flying towards me with no chance of stopping them. I hate thinking about these things.
I hate to think about you, him and her, me, the old times, the future..
Now the future really scares me.
How you wonder who you'll be..
I have no idea what my life will be like in a couple of years. No clue what so ever, and that scares me.

You know that classic 'the walls are closing in' feeling? That's exactly how I feel right now. My life is getting smaller and smaller, but at the same time it feels as if I'm becoming smaller and smaller too.. Ah, never mind. You'd never understand anyway so..

Godnight