Well, that's just a load of crap obviously. People tend to change - a lot, more that four times every year even. You didn't know that, did you? Well, now you do.
So, dear friends, what else is there to say to you today?
Nothing much? I thought so.
Seriously - my life is the most boring life I've ever known.
And the memories of what happened still haunts me. I'm afraid of falling asleep, it feels as if someone is holding me back. It feels like he is holding me back.
It feels just like it did then, only that in my nightmares he doesn't let me go, he keeps me there. I can't get hom to let me go. I try everything but nothing is working, then I turn around and I see his face and then I wake up.
I reallt hope I'll get more sleep tonight, I need to sleep.
BUT! I'm getting that tattoo tomorrow!!
Louis is sort of hapy about that oh yes she is.
I think I'll just end there.
Night, I hope you'll get more sleep than me.
tisdag 29 september 2009
måndag 28 september 2009
Can you feel the pressure ?
Stayed home from school today, so I've pretty much just been sitting beneath blanket all day, waiting for the phone call of doom. They still haven't called me back, so they'll probably call tomorrow. I hope they do, I just want to get this overwith..
Been listening to some good old music lately; From First To Last, Bring Me The Horizon, Funeral For A Friend, Escape The Fate, you know all that crap. Feels really nice to be listening to that again. Sure, it brings tons of memories, some which I'd rather never think about again but some really nice once. The old days, 7th - 9th grade. Sitting on the sidewalk smoking our lives away, coloring my hair in all different kind of colors and cutting it with razors, my first Marilyn Manson consert.. Oh my Lord, I really miss those days.
But I guess that I should be glad that that part of my life is over, in one way.. I didn't feel good then, I was stuck in all my self destructive habits, I fighted with my mom as good as every day, I hated my father.. At least some of it is gone now.
How ever, I think I'll be going to school tomorrow don't quite know yet. By some strange reason I feel like waking up really early tomorrow, taking a morning fika before school, but I'll probably sleep way too long and then I'll have to hurry up just to get to school on time. That's how it always works.
I think I'll be going to bed soon. I feel like taking a walk but since I'm out of cigarettes that seems pointless so why not sleep a couple of hours longer? .__.
Night
Been listening to some good old music lately; From First To Last, Bring Me The Horizon, Funeral For A Friend, Escape The Fate, you know all that crap. Feels really nice to be listening to that again. Sure, it brings tons of memories, some which I'd rather never think about again but some really nice once. The old days, 7th - 9th grade. Sitting on the sidewalk smoking our lives away, coloring my hair in all different kind of colors and cutting it with razors, my first Marilyn Manson consert.. Oh my Lord, I really miss those days.
But I guess that I should be glad that that part of my life is over, in one way.. I didn't feel good then, I was stuck in all my self destructive habits, I fighted with my mom as good as every day, I hated my father.. At least some of it is gone now.
How ever, I think I'll be going to school tomorrow don't quite know yet. By some strange reason I feel like waking up really early tomorrow, taking a morning fika before school, but I'll probably sleep way too long and then I'll have to hurry up just to get to school on time. That's how it always works.
I think I'll be going to bed soon. I feel like taking a walk but since I'm out of cigarettes that seems pointless so why not sleep a couple of hours longer? .__.
Night
lördag 26 september 2009
Salt My Eyes
Yeah, pretty much.
Louis just woke up from another one of those best&worst nights of her experiences. Yesterday at Sibbe's place was great, really - to sum it all up. As always there were a couple of things that would have been better of avoided, but hey - what's the fun in that?
So Louise and Gabbeh had something going on over the phone last night, so I stepped in and tried to fix that. Then things went back to being good (or better), but not far too long before we were supposed to go home (Joakim (?) was kind enough to drive us home - thanks) I just lost it. Seriously, that's when the `worst night of my life´ experience started.
Everytime I just sawe your face I wanted to cry out on the top of my lungs.
So why didn't you?
I don't know.. I guess that deep down I know that he doesn't love me anymore. He has no feelings for me. And it doesn't matter how much I want to - I can't decide what he's supposed to feel. That's what freaks me out - the knowledge that I am not able to change it.
So Louis sat and cried in the car first all the way to Hässleholmen and then downtown, and Louise didn't want me to go home right that second when I wasn't feeling too well, so we sat down behind Gran Hotel for a while. And THAT is where I really lost it. I haven't cried that much ever I think, and my head was exploding and Louise was wonderful and just sat there and told me all these amazing things about me to make me feel better.
Thanks Louise, things would probably have gone much much worse if you weren't there.
So, there we sat for I don't know how long - until we decided to have pizza. But we had left Louise's money at home so first we had to go home to get the money - that's when I found out that Robin Next Door was having a party too but whatever. Anyhow, we got some money and then we went and bought something to eat. It was nice, and when we got home again, everything was cleaned up outfront. No one was there and all I could find that was a sign of that someone have had a party there was one empty beer can.
So we just went to bed and slept for about 5 hours and now there is one hour left until I have to drag Louise with me to the bus.
I know this post makes no sense but I just had to wite it all down.
Sorry
Louis just woke up from another one of those best&worst nights of her experiences. Yesterday at Sibbe's place was great, really - to sum it all up. As always there were a couple of things that would have been better of avoided, but hey - what's the fun in that?
So Louise and Gabbeh had something going on over the phone last night, so I stepped in and tried to fix that. Then things went back to being good (or better), but not far too long before we were supposed to go home (Joakim (?) was kind enough to drive us home - thanks) I just lost it. Seriously, that's when the `worst night of my life´ experience started.
Everytime I just sawe your face I wanted to cry out on the top of my lungs.
So why didn't you?
I don't know.. I guess that deep down I know that he doesn't love me anymore. He has no feelings for me. And it doesn't matter how much I want to - I can't decide what he's supposed to feel. That's what freaks me out - the knowledge that I am not able to change it.
So Louis sat and cried in the car first all the way to Hässleholmen and then downtown, and Louise didn't want me to go home right that second when I wasn't feeling too well, so we sat down behind Gran Hotel for a while. And THAT is where I really lost it. I haven't cried that much ever I think, and my head was exploding and Louise was wonderful and just sat there and told me all these amazing things about me to make me feel better.
Thanks Louise, things would probably have gone much much worse if you weren't there.
So, there we sat for I don't know how long - until we decided to have pizza. But we had left Louise's money at home so first we had to go home to get the money - that's when I found out that Robin Next Door was having a party too but whatever. Anyhow, we got some money and then we went and bought something to eat. It was nice, and when we got home again, everything was cleaned up outfront. No one was there and all I could find that was a sign of that someone have had a party there was one empty beer can.
So we just went to bed and slept for about 5 hours and now there is one hour left until I have to drag Louise with me to the bus.
I know this post makes no sense but I just had to wite it all down.
Sorry
fredag 25 september 2009
Eat Shit
Seriously, I have got to stop hoping now.
Things will never be the same, and now that I have realized that I don't know what to do. I want to cry my freaking eyes out, I want to break things, I want to yell at you, I want to - but I can't. Somehow I feel paralysed by all this and I think I'll just isolate myself from the world for some time now. Since I don't seem to have a say in anything anyways so.
Don't go looking for me. If I'm hiding there must be a freaking good reason.
Things will never be the same, and now that I have realized that I don't know what to do. I want to cry my freaking eyes out, I want to break things, I want to yell at you, I want to - but I can't. Somehow I feel paralysed by all this and I think I'll just isolate myself from the world for some time now. Since I don't seem to have a say in anything anyways so.
Don't go looking for me. If I'm hiding there must be a freaking good reason.
torsdag 24 september 2009
I've been fooled by the illusions in my head
I'm not the kind of person who talk about my issues, I suffer in silence until it has gone away and then I simply just wait for it to come back again (it always does), and then I do everything all over again - suffer in silence. I don't want to bother you with my problems when I know that you have enough of those yourself. It's all about prioritizing and yes - your name stands higher than mine on my list, and I find it more important to make sure that you feel okey than to look after myself. I'll make it through, I always do so why put all that energy on me? I see no reason what so ever to.
My eating anxiety is back though, with twice the strength it hit me with last time around. So once and again I'm losing hair, I'm really freaking tired all the time and my nails look like shit. And with not eating comes drinking tons and tons of coffee and smoking far too many cigarettes each day, and therefor I can't sleep. Which makes me even more fucking tired.
The worst thing though, is the fact that this Monday when we talked about proper eating in PE class, when our teacher mentioned the wntire losing hair thing and bad nails, it felt like everyone in the room were staring at me. And today My asked me if I was aware of the fact that I each too little.
Okey, I don't eat properly but don't you think I know that already?! I am well aware of the fact that I am tearing my body down by eating harldy nothing and guess what? That's the freaking point of it all.
I don't need you telling me to eat - I won't do it! No. Never. I'm going to reach my goal this time, I really am. So you can say whatever you want to I won't stop it this time.
And don't think for a second that I am doing this for someone else - I'm doing this for me. No one but myself, I want to be happy about the way I look and in my case that means losing at least another five or six kilos. Yep, that's how it's gonna work out this time. I don't give shit about what you think of it - I'm gonna do this. End of discussion.
So, what elseis there to tell you? Not much I think.
Had a fika with Klumpen yesterday, hung out with her, My and Sibbe. Then I went to Sexdrega for about two hours - totally worthless. Then I took the bus back to Borås and then the bus up to Sid, I slept there tonight.
It felt a bit awkward. I mean, it's a bit hard to be around him right now, since this all happened so fast. I get to be close to him, but not as close as I wish I could be, so that's a bit weird.
But you know, I'd rather be not quite as close as I wish to be than far far away from you. Right now, that's better than nothing.
Now I really should pull myslef together and go down to the laundry room and check if it's done. So, I guess I'll get back to you later.
Bye
My eating anxiety is back though, with twice the strength it hit me with last time around. So once and again I'm losing hair, I'm really freaking tired all the time and my nails look like shit. And with not eating comes drinking tons and tons of coffee and smoking far too many cigarettes each day, and therefor I can't sleep. Which makes me even more fucking tired.
The worst thing though, is the fact that this Monday when we talked about proper eating in PE class, when our teacher mentioned the wntire losing hair thing and bad nails, it felt like everyone in the room were staring at me. And today My asked me if I was aware of the fact that I each too little.
Okey, I don't eat properly but don't you think I know that already?! I am well aware of the fact that I am tearing my body down by eating harldy nothing and guess what? That's the freaking point of it all.
I don't need you telling me to eat - I won't do it! No. Never. I'm going to reach my goal this time, I really am. So you can say whatever you want to I won't stop it this time.
And don't think for a second that I am doing this for someone else - I'm doing this for me. No one but myself, I want to be happy about the way I look and in my case that means losing at least another five or six kilos. Yep, that's how it's gonna work out this time. I don't give shit about what you think of it - I'm gonna do this. End of discussion.
So, what elseis there to tell you? Not much I think.
Had a fika with Klumpen yesterday, hung out with her, My and Sibbe. Then I went to Sexdrega for about two hours - totally worthless. Then I took the bus back to Borås and then the bus up to Sid, I slept there tonight.
It felt a bit awkward. I mean, it's a bit hard to be around him right now, since this all happened so fast. I get to be close to him, but not as close as I wish I could be, so that's a bit weird.
But you know, I'd rather be not quite as close as I wish to be than far far away from you. Right now, that's better than nothing.
Now I really should pull myslef together and go down to the laundry room and check if it's done. So, I guess I'll get back to you later.
Bye
måndag 21 september 2009
Rock n' Roll High School
Sitting in school right now - don't know what I'm doing really. I'm supposed to be reading and writing about a few known writers from the antiquity, but I find that very unnecessary.. What does that give me? Nothing, and nothing at all.
Looking on the bright side is harder than I could ever imagine, but I'm trying and at least that's something, right?
Last noght was hell on earth in one way. I totally freaked out, but I listened to Gabbeh's advice and tried to talk to him. Worked out pretty good, but I still feel that damn hole inside of me and trying to fill it with positive thoughts and homework and other possible things to focus on seems pointless. I know what I need, but it feels like there's npo way in hell that I'll ever get it back.
Feeling sort of hopeless today, are we? Ohyes..
But I'm gonna meet with him later (I think) and have a cup of coffee or something. Just meeting him again, to see if I can handle it a little better this time. last time was horrible. Standing in his hallway, crying my freaking guts out didn't make things better. And having to be around people for the rest of day, pretending to be happy as if nothing had happened was even worse.
What ever.
Positive thinking Louis, positive thinking.
How ever, being back to school without being able to skip which ever class you want and blame it all on having an exchange student sucks. And I'll have to go to school when we have our day off, just to do that freaking Italian test.
Fuck.
Now I'm gonna try to get something done with my project.
Wish me luck.
Looking on the bright side is harder than I could ever imagine, but I'm trying and at least that's something, right?
Last noght was hell on earth in one way. I totally freaked out, but I listened to Gabbeh's advice and tried to talk to him. Worked out pretty good, but I still feel that damn hole inside of me and trying to fill it with positive thoughts and homework and other possible things to focus on seems pointless. I know what I need, but it feels like there's npo way in hell that I'll ever get it back.
Feeling sort of hopeless today, are we? Ohyes..
But I'm gonna meet with him later (I think) and have a cup of coffee or something. Just meeting him again, to see if I can handle it a little better this time. last time was horrible. Standing in his hallway, crying my freaking guts out didn't make things better. And having to be around people for the rest of day, pretending to be happy as if nothing had happened was even worse.
What ever.
Positive thinking Louis, positive thinking.
How ever, being back to school without being able to skip which ever class you want and blame it all on having an exchange student sucks. And I'll have to go to school when we have our day off, just to do that freaking Italian test.
Fuck.
Now I'm gonna try to get something done with my project.
Wish me luck.
lördag 19 september 2009
It's because I gotta say some things
So, now I'm back from Gothenburg, Liseberg and Håkan freaking Hellström. Totally awesome - as every time I see him.
I seriously didn't think this day would turn out this good, considering what has happend this week and so on and so on, but it really turned out great.
Not only because of the annual Håkan-concert I think though.. I've started to realize (finally) that things does not get better just because I sit in my room and cry all day. So, why not try to see the good things instead? I mean okey, some crappy things have happend and yes, I still love him - that doesn't change over one or two nights but it's not like I can't talk to him when I feel like it? And I am sure that I can find a billion things that I can focus on.
Back to the concert then ..
IT WAS AWESOME! Of course an awesome concert comes with a number of bruises and quite an amount of pain but I would be one big, fat liar if I told you that it wasn't worth it. And not to forget - an awesome concert also comes with tears. Happy tears of course.
When he played Hurricane Gilbert, Kärlek är ett brev skickat tusen gånger and Atombomb I almost broke down. I was crying almost hystericly from time to time ans people were staring at me, but believe me - if you hear Hurricane Gilbert live then you can't not cry. Seriously.
Now I am really really tired, and my entire body hurts and I have to get up in less than six hours so I think I'll just go to bed now.
Good night :*
I seriously didn't think this day would turn out this good, considering what has happend this week and so on and so on, but it really turned out great.
Not only because of the annual Håkan-concert I think though.. I've started to realize (finally) that things does not get better just because I sit in my room and cry all day. So, why not try to see the good things instead? I mean okey, some crappy things have happend and yes, I still love him - that doesn't change over one or two nights but it's not like I can't talk to him when I feel like it? And I am sure that I can find a billion things that I can focus on.
Back to the concert then ..
IT WAS AWESOME! Of course an awesome concert comes with a number of bruises and quite an amount of pain but I would be one big, fat liar if I told you that it wasn't worth it. And not to forget - an awesome concert also comes with tears. Happy tears of course.
When he played Hurricane Gilbert, Kärlek är ett brev skickat tusen gånger and Atombomb I almost broke down. I was crying almost hystericly from time to time ans people were staring at me, but believe me - if you hear Hurricane Gilbert live then you can't not cry. Seriously.
Now I am really really tired, and my entire body hurts and I have to get up in less than six hours so I think I'll just go to bed now.
Good night :*
tisdag 15 september 2009
plus minus ett?
det är så många 'aldrig någonsin mer' som snurrar omkring i mitt huvud just nu.. jag vet seriöst inte vad jag ska göra. Jag chockar mig själv genom att inte sitta i ett hörn och gråta, mina nikotinmonster går i taket och rastlösheten börjar sätta in på riktigt.
känns nu när jag tänker på det iofs som en ganska normal kväll.
Men
Nej sa Niklas, serddö det är det inte.
Den här kvällen kommer jag antagligen komma ihåg resten av mitt liv. Tillsammans med den 30 April 2007, och därmed även den 30 April 2009.
30 April 2007
30 April 2009
5 Juli 2009
15 September 2009
En ganska munter skara om jag får säga det själv ._.
Jag har så jävla mycket tankar och funderingar och känslor som far runt i hjärnan just nu, m
en jag vet itne vart jag ska göra av dem och snart så exploderar jag nog snart.
(Eller så imploderar jag, av rädsla för att skada någon annan nät spillrorna av mitt liv skjuts iväg med ljusets hastighet.)
Jag kommer ine kunna sova inatt, vilket kommer leda till att jag int kommer kunna hålla mig vaken i morgon, men det löser vi.
Gabbeh, har du lust att träffa mig (& Anna) i morgon ?
Åker upp och lämnar nyckeln i morgon tror jag. Slänger säkert bara ner den i brevlådan och går igen. Klarar inte av det här.
Jag antar att jag någonstans innerst inne var beredd på det här när jag sa Ja den där natten, men jag trodde itne det skulle bli såhär.
känns nu när jag tänker på det iofs som en ganska normal kväll.
Men
Nej sa Niklas, serddö det är det inte.
Den här kvällen kommer jag antagligen komma ihåg resten av mitt liv. Tillsammans med den 30 April 2007, och därmed även den 30 April 2009.
30 April 2007
30 April 2009
5 Juli 2009
15 September 2009
En ganska munter skara om jag får säga det själv ._.
Jag har så jävla mycket tankar och funderingar och känslor som far runt i hjärnan just nu, m
en jag vet itne vart jag ska göra av dem och snart så exploderar jag nog snart.
(Eller så imploderar jag, av rädsla för att skada någon annan nät spillrorna av mitt liv skjuts iväg med ljusets hastighet.)
Jag kommer ine kunna sova inatt, vilket kommer leda till att jag int kommer kunna hålla mig vaken i morgon, men det löser vi.
Gabbeh, har du lust att träffa mig (& Anna) i morgon ?
Åker upp och lämnar nyckeln i morgon tror jag. Slänger säkert bara ner den i brevlådan och går igen. Klarar inte av det här.
Jag antar att jag någonstans innerst inne var beredd på det här när jag sa Ja den där natten, men jag trodde itne det skulle bli såhär.
What doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right?
I know that I should be writing on my litterary blog and not my private blog but that freaking book is the most boring book I've ever been forced to read in my entire life. It's worthless, but I feel that Iäm dragging my group down with me if I don't post that blog, so I guess I'll try to do it a little bit later.
How ever, today has been a tiny bit better than yesterday but it's still hard to fight all my impulses. It's hard to not be able to just write you a text message saying how much I love you.
If you guys knew half of all the thought that are spinning around inside my head right now you would realize what a wonder it is that I still haven't taken the first best train to anywhere.
I'm out of here.
How ever, today has been a tiny bit better than yesterday but it's still hard to fight all my impulses. It's hard to not be able to just write you a text message saying how much I love you.
If you guys knew half of all the thought that are spinning around inside my head right now you would realize what a wonder it is that I still haven't taken the first best train to anywhere.
I'm out of here.
måndag 14 september 2009
Have you ever seen such a beautiful night?
So why don't you all just come out from where you've been hiding with your cameras all day and just tell me this is a freaking practical joke? This isn't even fun anymore.
Someone told me that today is 'Chlamydia Day' but I've decided to name it 'Make Louis' head spin faster and faster until it explodes Day', 'cause that's how it all feels right now. I'm so fucking tired of this now, I'm prepared to just through my life away and start digging myself a new home.
Perhaps it's just today's lack of caffeine, but I'm really not up for this right now.
It hurts me that you're feeling bad, but if I may be completely honest (and awfully egocentric) I have to say that what hurts the most right now is how much I miss you.
But of course I would never say that to you (or any of the other persons I'm missing right now), 'cause that would make me the weak person.
I feel like taking the next train to nowhere and then off to a place where no one will ever find me and just stay there, not talking to anyone being quiet all day every day until I drive myself so insane that I simply decide to kill myself.
I freaking hate this motherfucking shitty day. And there are still almost two hours left of it.
Let's kill the clockwork
What ever.
Someone told me that today is 'Chlamydia Day' but I've decided to name it 'Make Louis' head spin faster and faster until it explodes Day', 'cause that's how it all feels right now. I'm so fucking tired of this now, I'm prepared to just through my life away and start digging myself a new home.
Perhaps it's just today's lack of caffeine, but I'm really not up for this right now.
It hurts me that you're feeling bad, but if I may be completely honest (and awfully egocentric) I have to say that what hurts the most right now is how much I miss you.
But of course I would never say that to you (or any of the other persons I'm missing right now), 'cause that would make me the weak person.
I feel like taking the next train to nowhere and then off to a place where no one will ever find me and just stay there, not talking to anyone being quiet all day every day until I drive myself so insane that I simply decide to kill myself.
I freaking hate this motherfucking shitty day. And there are still almost two hours left of it.
Let's kill the clockwork
What ever.
lördag 12 september 2009
She left on Sunday, and he died on Monday
I really haven't had the energy to write anything here for quite som time now, but I guess that there's no one who really cares to read this either, but I'm hanging on to my theory about how writing things down makes them easier to handle.
So, if this is to make myself feel better, why don't I have the curage to write what I really want to?
I'm to afraid that I might hurt someone
Words are like weapons - the wound sometimes
But why can't I write what ever I want when everybode else is writing about everything on their blogs? Sometimes I wish that I cared more about myself than others.
Either way, I feel empty and abandoned. As if there were a major hole in my chest which nothing could ever fill. So I guess it was all just a matter of time before these feelings would come back, but this time I've actually managed to hold on to that smile for a pretty long time.
It feels as if you no longer want to be with me, you feel furter away than ever and I'm afraid that I'm only bothering you with my presence.
I'm not prepared to give this up, to give you up, but sometimes it feels like that is what you want. You make me question so many things about myself - it feels like I'm not good enough for you. I know that I'm not, but I never thought you'd realize that this quickly.
I am so afraid to ask you some things. I'm pretty sure that the truth could kill me in just a matter of seconds, but living a lie has never worked out.
I'm sorry if this is just a huge misunderstanding from my side, and don't you think for a moment that I don't love you. I do love you Sid, I really do but I still got to ask you
Are you thinking of leaving me?
I've gone too far I know.
I'll be in touch.
So, if this is to make myself feel better, why don't I have the curage to write what I really want to?
I'm to afraid that I might hurt someone
Words are like weapons - the wound sometimes
But why can't I write what ever I want when everybode else is writing about everything on their blogs? Sometimes I wish that I cared more about myself than others.
Either way, I feel empty and abandoned. As if there were a major hole in my chest which nothing could ever fill. So I guess it was all just a matter of time before these feelings would come back, but this time I've actually managed to hold on to that smile for a pretty long time.
It feels as if you no longer want to be with me, you feel furter away than ever and I'm afraid that I'm only bothering you with my presence.
I'm not prepared to give this up, to give you up, but sometimes it feels like that is what you want. You make me question so many things about myself - it feels like I'm not good enough for you. I know that I'm not, but I never thought you'd realize that this quickly.
I am so afraid to ask you some things. I'm pretty sure that the truth could kill me in just a matter of seconds, but living a lie has never worked out.
I'm sorry if this is just a huge misunderstanding from my side, and don't you think for a moment that I don't love you. I do love you Sid, I really do but I still got to ask you
Are you thinking of leaving me?
I've gone too far I know.
I'll be in touch.
torsdag 10 september 2009
The girl next door
The last few days has been partly awful.
Some moments have been good and wonderful and amazing and everything else that anyone would want in their life, but mostly I've been sitting somewhere all by myself crying and smoking far too much.
I know I should try to solve my problems and not make them even worse by trying to ignore them, but there are some things that you simply can't talk about with anyone. At least not with anyone that I know. Besides, I don't have a clue what I'd say to you about everything. Things seem to be a bit complicated right now and I have no idea why. I've got pretty much everything I could ever imagine, so why am I not saticfied?
It's bothering me to not quite know what's wrong.
How ever. Other than that I don't have too much to tell you. I've been cleaning and studying all day, and in a little less than five hours I'm going to Sthlm with my sister, Sara. Saturday will be spent in Sexdrega and Sunday too, since I'm going to church for a couple of hours.
The german exchange student, Anna, will be here Monday afternoon. I'm pretty exited, but I don't know, the french exchange students seem to be pretty much a pain in the ass.
W/e
Your silence is scaring me.
Some moments have been good and wonderful and amazing and everything else that anyone would want in their life, but mostly I've been sitting somewhere all by myself crying and smoking far too much.
I know I should try to solve my problems and not make them even worse by trying to ignore them, but there are some things that you simply can't talk about with anyone. At least not with anyone that I know. Besides, I don't have a clue what I'd say to you about everything. Things seem to be a bit complicated right now and I have no idea why. I've got pretty much everything I could ever imagine, so why am I not saticfied?
It's bothering me to not quite know what's wrong.
How ever. Other than that I don't have too much to tell you. I've been cleaning and studying all day, and in a little less than five hours I'm going to Sthlm with my sister, Sara. Saturday will be spent in Sexdrega and Sunday too, since I'm going to church for a couple of hours.
The german exchange student, Anna, will be here Monday afternoon. I'm pretty exited, but I don't know, the french exchange students seem to be pretty much a pain in the ass.
W/e
Your silence is scaring me.
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