Slipping away

It feels like I'm losing everything right now. Nothing is what it used to be and I don't know what I can do to stop this from happening. Everyone and everything is slipping away slowly and I'm trying my very best to keep holding on but it doesn't seem to be enough..
I don't know, perhaps it's just my imagination, but the world doesn't hold on either so what is there left for me to do? I'd rather die than let go but it seems sort of hopeless to be holding on to something that obviously doesn't hold on to me anymore.

This weekend has been chaos. I was in Sexdrega the entire weekend, since I don't have a buscard anylonger I couldn't go anywhere. I can't spend that much time with my family, I simply can't. It drives me insane and I freak out because of every tiny thing that goes wrong. And something always goes wrong in that house. It's like curse, I can't be there, not around them.
Trying to get something done while I'm there is just out the window. It's just watse of time to evern try. And this weekend my brother changed the floor in the kitchen, and a couple of other things that my mother needed done so it was a little bit more chaotic than usual. (If that's even possible.) The entire house was upside down and since my mom had to help my brother and neither Sara or Tilda was home it was up to me to do all the everyday stuff like taking the dogs out for a walk, making dinner and just keeping everything under control and I can't do that. The only good thing about that is that I can smoke whenever I'm out with the dogs.
Beeing there kills me. I can't concentrate at all. Everything just turns into a big blur.
I won't ever move back there, that's for sure.

There's really nothing else to tell other than that my life has turned itself around completely and it won't let me turn it back.
I should sleep.

Good Luck Chuck ._.