Fighting dragons with plastic swords

Today has been awful. Really awful. Nothing has been going my way and I just feel like dying.


I just finished baking the second cake for tomorrow, at least this one didn't break - yet. We're supposed to bring fika to school tomorrow, we're having a couple of different english tests from 9.00 - 14.00 with a tiny break somewhere in the middle.

I hate school. Especially english, since my teacher told me last friday that I might not even pass the course unless I write those blogposts on that fucking book. So, I have a lot of things to do. And I managed to delete my entire interview for the journalism class last week so I have to do that all over again. Then I have four other things in that course that has to be done. And then there's Science and Swedish and German - got three tests there this week. And thats pretty much it, so if I'm too busy to breathe some time don't worry - I'll get there.
Sitting at the kitchen table again. Alone, listening to the music I hate just because I feel that I'm not worth anything better than tears right now.

I don't know what's wrong with me these days, but I cry every fucking day. Sorry - every night. I can't sleep at night and it's really breaking me down to sit up all night. I just sit here, stare at something that doesn't really exist and cry. Every fucking night is the same.
But at least Gabbeh'll sleep here tomorrow. I think. I hope. I really really really really hope so. I miss her terribly and it has only been four and a half hours since I last saw her. It's weird how much you can miss someone..
Where is my angel I need her now, holding me tonight..

I'm on the edge of giving up right now.
I'm not writing that here for you to feel sorry for me and give me all your pity (I hate your pity), I only write that here to get it out. I can't bare this anylonger. It's just too much for me. I'm not like you, not as strong as all of you. I'm not the girl who solves her problems and just gets on with her life. I get caught up with things, people, emotions - everything. Nothing is too small to get caught up on.
I'm not the girl who knows when it's time to let go.

I gotta go.