Oh boy..

..you make me feel like
oh boy..

yeah, well there's been quite some time since I even thought of this blog now, got a new (not so dark&twisted) one
http://davyjonessdiary.blogg.se
Well, I really don't write very much in that one either but if you feel like giving it a shot you're very welcome to.

I don't know why I'm doing this
but I guess it's because it feels better, more safe to write here when I just want to clear my head but don't really want anyone to read it.
I'm back.

Spring time.
I can't be feeling good rigth now, it's the month of May - I'm not supposed to feel good at this time of year.

And FYI, my food anxiety is pretty much back to where it was about a year ago: can't eat without feeling guilty, counting the calories and thinking about how long walk I have to take to feel better about myself. But the thing is that it doesn't matter for how long I walk around town, on my own, listening to music that almost makes me cry, smoking way too many cigarettes and thinking about how the mirror doesn't lie to me.
I'm not saying I'm fat, 'cause I don't think I am..
But I am not happy with the way I look - God knows if I'll ever be, but right now I got my mind set on changing things.
I'm gonna go from 53.5 to 48 before the summer's gone. I really want to manage to loose that weight before summer but hey - let's not be unrealistic.
I want to be noticed, I want to be seen, I want to make people look twice.

Seriously
fuck this shit.

I'm gonna make this time
- just watch me.