Why do I have to cry myself to sleep every night just because you're not lying right next to me?
Why do my hands start shivering like leaves everytime I know I'm gonna see you?
Why do I feel the need to pretend to be happy everytime you're around?
Why dooes my head spin everytime I hear you're name?
Why do I always wish I was perfect when you can see me?
I guess that somewhere deep down I want you to feel sorry about it. I want you to miss me at least half as much as I miss you. I guess I want you to be miserable.
Why do I feel like the biggest failure to ever walk these streets?
fredag 6 november 2009
torsdag 5 november 2009
We might as well be strangers
I've been thinking and I think it would be much better for me if I went to bed around eleven, perhaps even half past ten. 'Cause I always start feeling bad around midnight. Every night. It's always like this, everything (or at least almost everything) has been good during the day, and then the clock strikes twelve and all of a sudden all these thought come crashing towards me they're impossible to stop.
It shouldn't be like this, so why is it so hard to change?
I don't understand you. Did I ever? Or did you just fool me big time?
It shouldn't be like this, so why is it so hard to change?
I don't understand you. Did I ever? Or did you just fool me big time?
You can't see how weak you are
Why do you make this so fucking hard for me?!
I'm sick of this, sick of fooling myself, sick of being fooled by everyone else.
Why is it so damn hard to stop loving you when I know darn well that you don't love me anymore? Am I a horrible person? 'Cause that's what you're making me believe. You make me feel unworthy of love. How can it be so easy for you to stop loving me when I can't fool myself to believe that I don't love you for even a second?
I might be fooling you at times, and I try really hard to fool myself. I tell myself everyday that I don't love you anymore, and I tell everyone else too, just to make myself believe it. You make me hate myself, 'cause if you don't love me anymore why should I? What do you think is the reason for me behaving like this? I don't eat, I hardly wake up in the morning, I can't sleep - I can't do anything. Just because you make me feel that I'm not worthy of love. Nothing can make me feel really good anymore.
I don't get it. Why is this so fucking hard for me when it's so freaking easy for you?!
It's just not fair.
What is it about me that makes me so unloved? How come I not deserve to feel good about myself?
I can't do this anymore, I can't waste all my energy on trying to fool myself when I know that it's not working.
It shouldn't be this hard you know..
I'm sick of this, sick of fooling myself, sick of being fooled by everyone else.
Why is it so damn hard to stop loving you when I know darn well that you don't love me anymore? Am I a horrible person? 'Cause that's what you're making me believe. You make me feel unworthy of love. How can it be so easy for you to stop loving me when I can't fool myself to believe that I don't love you for even a second?
I might be fooling you at times, and I try really hard to fool myself. I tell myself everyday that I don't love you anymore, and I tell everyone else too, just to make myself believe it. You make me hate myself, 'cause if you don't love me anymore why should I? What do you think is the reason for me behaving like this? I don't eat, I hardly wake up in the morning, I can't sleep - I can't do anything. Just because you make me feel that I'm not worthy of love. Nothing can make me feel really good anymore.
I don't get it. Why is this so fucking hard for me when it's so freaking easy for you?!
It's just not fair.
What is it about me that makes me so unloved? How come I not deserve to feel good about myself?
I can't do this anymore, I can't waste all my energy on trying to fool myself when I know that it's not working.
It shouldn't be this hard you know..
tisdag 3 november 2009
God forbid
Tonight's soundtrack : We might as well be strangers - Keane
She's losing it. Totally.
I don't know why I put up with this anymore..
Goodnight.
(you're a disappointment)
She's losing it. Totally.
I don't know why I put up with this anymore..
Goodnight.
(you're a disappointment)
måndag 2 november 2009
On the move
It's raining. And I hate it. But I like it, now I have a reason to not meet people. I'm sick and tired of always having people telling me where to be and when to be there. I want to have my own way, do things on my own terms. It's like the world doesn't trust me with time, as if they feel the need to always tell me what to do or otherwise I wouldn't do anything. Okey, I probably
wouldn't do that much but at least I'd have a fair shot at happiness, right?
Just let me do what I want, okey?
I just want to be able to choose for myself.
wouldn't do that much but at least I'd have a fair shot at happiness, right?
Just let me do what I want, okey?
I just want to be able to choose for myself.
Spring blues
Yep, seems like I got what I wished for.
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
Now all the feelings I had this spring is right back. I can feel her presence when she's not even here. I wanted her to come back, to change him, not to take him away from me once and again. I hate it when he lets her take him from me. She and her rotten little children. The thing is, he cares more for them than for me.
Everything feels just the same now, almost.. There are a few things that are different now and ofcourse they matter, but I know things will never be like that again. I had something to look forward to then. Someone to talk about everythingg with. And the walls were brand new, I was creating a new home and now all I can think about is how much I miss the old place. I'd give anything to have April back again.
Can we bring yetserday back around?
Of course we can't, fool..
Even if you left me and my brother,
even if you left us and our mother.
Want nothing more than to catch your eye.
Would you be impressed with how far I've climbed
Without your assistance,
With you nowhere in sight.
Is it okey to miss something this much, or is it just some weird sickness that I have brought upon myself? I mean, I know darn well that this might haunt me forever. You might haunt me for all times. And I let you - now hos stupid is that?
Gosh, I think too much.. I should probably get a hobby or something, something to do when I feel the thought come flying towards me with no chance of stopping them. I hate thinking about these things.
I hate to think about you, him and her, me, the old times, the future..
Now the future really scares me.
How you wonder who you'll be..
I have no idea what my life will be like in a couple of years. No clue what so ever, and that scares me.
You know that classic 'the walls are closing in' feeling? That's exactly how I feel right now. My life is getting smaller and smaller, but at the same time it feels as if I'm becoming smaller and smaller too.. Ah, never mind. You'd never understand anyway so..
Godnight
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it
Now all the feelings I had this spring is right back. I can feel her presence when she's not even here. I wanted her to come back, to change him, not to take him away from me once and again. I hate it when he lets her take him from me. She and her rotten little children. The thing is, he cares more for them than for me.
Everything feels just the same now, almost.. There are a few things that are different now and ofcourse they matter, but I know things will never be like that again. I had something to look forward to then. Someone to talk about everythingg with. And the walls were brand new, I was creating a new home and now all I can think about is how much I miss the old place. I'd give anything to have April back again.
Can we bring yetserday back around?
Of course we can't, fool..
Even if you left me and my brother,
even if you left us and our mother.
Want nothing more than to catch your eye.
Would you be impressed with how far I've climbed
Without your assistance,
With you nowhere in sight.
Is it okey to miss something this much, or is it just some weird sickness that I have brought upon myself? I mean, I know darn well that this might haunt me forever. You might haunt me for all times. And I let you - now hos stupid is that?
Gosh, I think too much.. I should probably get a hobby or something, something to do when I feel the thought come flying towards me with no chance of stopping them. I hate thinking about these things.
I hate to think about you, him and her, me, the old times, the future..
Now the future really scares me.
How you wonder who you'll be..
I have no idea what my life will be like in a couple of years. No clue what so ever, and that scares me.
You know that classic 'the walls are closing in' feeling? That's exactly how I feel right now. My life is getting smaller and smaller, but at the same time it feels as if I'm becoming smaller and smaller too.. Ah, never mind. You'd never understand anyway so..
Godnight
söndag 1 november 2009
Oh my brothers
Isn't it just great when you get to the place you usually call home and find out that someone else has been living there while you were gone? Like that's not enough, the bitch that almost stole your home left you some money and a movie ticket. And she cleaned your room and she and her daughter went to see a movie with your father, which means that your dad wont be sleeping at home, so you wont be seeing him until tomorrow. If he decides to comoe home that is.
This sucks.
I know I should be really happy that he is seeing her again, but I can't help it. I hate her,with all my heart. She is nothing but a slutty little thief.
That's pretty much al I wanted to tell you today. I thought this was gonne be one of those really really long, hateful blogposts but I don't see a reason to write too manyu words about her.
Three words
I
Hate
Her
This sucks.
I know I should be really happy that he is seeing her again, but I can't help it. I hate her,with all my heart. She is nothing but a slutty little thief.
That's pretty much al I wanted to tell you today. I thought this was gonne be one of those really really long, hateful blogposts but I don't see a reason to write too manyu words about her.
Three words
I
Hate
Her
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